


If I Die Before I Wake

by wingedknightRose



Category: Code Vein (Video Game)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, and is having a very understandable crisis, except for like. the first boss, gender-neutral protag, louis is a good bean, set right near the beginning of the game so no spoilers, the title sounds angstier than the fic actually is tbh, who is not named
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:47:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22932805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingedknightRose/pseuds/wingedknightRose
Summary: Louis could understand being afraid to sleep because of nightmares, or the fear of getting attacked while resting, but this was the first time he'd ever heard of someone being afraid of waking up.
Relationships: Louis & Protagonist (Code Vein)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 65





	If I Die Before I Wake

“Please get some rest,” Io’s voice drifted across the base towards Louis’s desk. She sounded vaguely concerned, which was rather impressive, because in the short time he’d known her he hadn’t heard her express much of anything beyond a distant, low-key confusion.

“I will,” the other voice that drifted over sounded exhausted. And Louis couldn’t blame them for it - he didn’t know exactly what circumstances had brought them to those underground tunnels he’d been exploring, but they had clearly known the Lost they had found when they’d reached the surface. Fighting through the hoards of Lost was tiring on the best of days, but to watch someone you knew turn and then have to kill them yourself? That was its own special kind of exhausting. Not to mention that everyone else except Io had been slaughtered - some turned to ash, even - and, well. Louis was frankly both mildly impressed and greatly concerned that they were so calm about all of it. He wasn’t sure he could manage to keep himself together if it had been him in that situation. It would take more than a day or two for them to bounce back, and that was to be expected.

He heard them stepping out onto the balcony, and Io settling in to her bed to sleep. It felt wrong, not giving either of them their own room, but they hadn’t been expecting to have two more people living here. They had to clear space and give Coco time to hunt down some more furniture and the like. They said they didn’t mind, but Louis still felt guilty. He had already asked a fair bit of them, trying to get them to share how they got their strange abilities, and would only be asking more in the future, and he couldn’t even give them a decent place to sleep. At least they wouldn’t have to worry about the Lost or frenzy here. He’d make sure everything else got sorted as quickly as possible.

Silence settled in for a while. Louis returned to his research, and the sample of blood with such strange properties. He poured through the records he’d salvaged from the ruins of Vein, trying to find any information that could unravel the mystery before him. If he could replicate this effect, then others could revive mistle and bloodsprings, too. That would only help everyone.

He lost track of time - when he finally decided the ache in his neck was bothering him enough to warrant a break, it was well after midnight. Louis sighed to himself - Yakumo would give him grief over this, no doubt about it.

That train of thought faded when he saw that there wasn’t anyone sleeping on the couches. The blanket Murasame had found was still there, folded neatly on the table. Were they still up?

Stepping around, he found his strange guest sitting in one of the chairs on the balcony, leaning over the table there, back to the door inside. Had they fallen asleep like that? They’d get some horrible aches if that was the case. He’d wake them up so they could move to the couch, or at least try and carry them over there. It wouldn’t do for them to be anything less than their best when they finally set out to explore once more.

When he got closer, Louis realized he could smell blood. The moment he recognized it for what it was, he was moving quickly, concerned. They should be safe here, so why…? “Are you alright?”

They started, whipping around to stare at him with wide eyes. Their fists clenched, and Louis could see blood seeping out from between their fingers.

“You’re bleeding. What happened?” There was only so much that could have caused that kind of wound in this situation, and none of it made Louis any less worried.

“I—I’m fine. Really. It was just an accident…” They glanced away. They wouldn’t look him in eye. That, combined with their guilty expression, made the lie obvious.

Louis stepped closer, keeping his voice down so as not to wake Io. She’d had a long couple of days too, and Louis didn’t want to bother her if he could solve this issue himself. “What’s wrong?”

They shook their head. Now that he was closer, Louis could see the dark bags under their eyes. Those hadn’t been there when they’d first met, had they? “Can’t sleep?”

They stiffened. Their hands clenched. More blood welled up from their fists. Louis cringed, just a bit. Sure, as a revenant they could regenerate something that small with little trouble, but watching this happen wasn’t pleasant.

“Nightmares?” He asked, voice gentler. He could understand. He had plenty of those, himself. Sometimes they were vivid, others were half-formed from what memories he still had, but they were always, always terrible.

“No.”

“…Are you afraid of getting attacked? I promise you’re safe here.”

“No…”

No? Why else would they still be awake? Actually, come to think of it…had they slept at all since they came here? Louis couldn’t recall a single time where he’d seen them sleeping. He’d figured they’d gone to bed after he had, and woken up early because they were in the common area, but…

“…I don’t want to sleep,” they finally murmured, staring down at their hands. “If I sleep I have to wake up, and that scares me.”

They were afraid of waking up? That was something altogether unexpected. Confused and concerned, Louis lowered himself into the chair next to them. Did he ask why? Was that overstepping? They barely knew each other, and Louis didn’t want to alienate the person who’d given him the greatest breakthrough yet. Uncertain, he leaned onto the table, and waited, watching them with careful eyes.

Thankfully, he didn’t need to press. His patience was enough. They glanced at him, saw how worried he was, and that seemed to make up their mind. “I…can’t remember anything,” they started, glancing up to gauge his reaction. He nodded, listening intently. “I woke up in a pit, with no idea who I was or how I got there or who’s lap my head was in. I can…vaguely recall being awake before that, but…all I really remember is my throat being dry and my heart feeling like it was being crushed in my chest. It hurt, so much. And then someone pricked my finger, and then something to drink, and then I was asleep again.”

A dry throat and intense heart pain - signs of the first stages of frenzy. The curse of the revenants. He was glad they’d found blood beads in time - too many never did. Their story matched with what Io had told them both earlier - that she had found them on the cusp of frenzy, but taken them to a bloodspring and revived it with their blood. She hadn’t been able to say how she knew that their blood had that ability, just that she was certain it did.

“I can’t remember anything besides my name,” they continued, voice wavering in the darkness, “not how I know how to fight or how old I am or what my favorite color is. I don’t know if there’s anyone out there that’s looking for me. I don’t know if I’ve met Io before, or how I ended up collapsed in that rubble. I don’t…there’s nothing.”

Louis felt a chill go up his spine at the confession. He was missing memories - most revenants were - but to have none at all…he couldn’t imagine it. Not knowing about his favorite books or the sandwiches his sister used to make him, or how he’d come to know Yakumo and the others.

The turned to look at him, a desperate fear in their eyes. “I’m afraid that if I go to sleep, I’ll wake up with nothing again. I won’t even remember Io or you or—or Oliver. I’ll be empty.”

Hearing that, Louis couldn’t blame them for being afraid. He couldn’t imagine what he’d do if he was facing that situation.

He brought his hand to his chin, thinking. There was no known cure for the memory loss that revenants faced - vestiges were dangerous things, and even if their strange power let them access the memories within, there was no telling if they had any vestiges of their own, or where those vestiges might be. But they couldn’t just go without sleep, either - the BOR parasite kept them physically healthy, but sleep was important for the mind, too. They needed to rest, or else they risked getting overwhelmed by the Lost.

Still, there had to be something he could do.

After a moment, an idea struck him, and he stood. “Hold on, I have something for you.” He could feel their eyes on him as he went back to his desk and started digging through his things. It didn’t take him too long to find what he was after and return. He set the old, battered notebook and pencil on the table and pushed them in their direction.

They glanced at them, and then back up to him, confused. “I don’t understand.”

“I keep a few spare notebooks, to keep track of new developments in my research. I want you to have this one, to use as a journal. You can write down everything you want to remember. That way, even if something happens, you have the memories stored somewhere safe.” He gave their hands a rather pointed look. “Though, you might want to wait for your hands to regenerate before you start.”

They looked down at the notebook again, the fear in their eyes fading and their fists unfurling. “I can really have this?”

“Of course.”

“But…what if I wake up somewhere different? Somewhere that’s not here?”

Louis wanted to point out how irrational a fear that was - no one was going to disturb them while they were sleeping here. But he knew that fear wasn’t rational, and they were probably too tired to be logical about this anyways. “Don’t worry. If something happens, I’ll make sure you get back here in one piece. The others will help, too. Once you get to know them, they’re good people.” It wasn’t an empty promise. He wasn’t going to sit back and let them get hurt. And he knew that once Yakumo was sure about them, he’d be the same. Murasame, Coco, and Davis would all help in their own ways, too.

They blinked, and looked up at him like they were seeing him for the first time. He offered them a smile. The smile he got in return was one of utter gratitude. It warmed his heart to see. “You will?”

“I promise.” He replied firmly. Their smile grew wider. Now that he thought about it, this was the first time Louis had ever seen them smile, wasn’t it? “Now come on. Let’s fix up your hands so you can get started.” They wouldn’t be able to rest until they had written something, he was sure. So he’d stay up until they had, maybe tell them a bit about the world and the others so they could write that down, too. And then he’d make sure they got to sleep. Yakumo would let him off the hook if it was to help someone else. …Maybe.

“Thanks, Louis. …I’m glad you’re the one that found me down there. I don’t want to think about what would have happened if those guys that were kicking others down in a pit to find blood beads for them found out about what I can do. Y’know, with the bloodsprings and all.”

Louis nodded slightly. He could well imagine the sort of things less scrupulous revenants would do to get hold of their power. And with them having no memories…they’d be treated as less than a person. Just a tool. The thought of it made him angry and sick all at once - but the feeling didn’t last long. They were here, and he was going to treat them like what they were - a valuable partner, with their own thoughts and opinions. He’d ask them if they were willing to help him, and he’d do his best to help them in turn. Starting by making sure they got some sleep. “I’m glad you’re not with one of those groups, either. Now come on. We need to take care of your hands.”

They laughed, just a little bit. They still sounded exhausted, but they didn’t seem afraid anymore. That was good. “Alright, alright. You win. I’ll bandage them up.”

“Good.” He nodded, and then with a smile and a note of warmth in his voice, added, “When you’re done, come sit with me at my desk. The light will make it easier for you to write than it would be out here.”

They stood, head dipping in agreement. “Alright. Thanks again, Louis. This means a lot to me.”

Louis just smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> game: yeah here's your self-insert character's vague backstory, but don't worry about it too much 'cause look at all these cool things you can do and these great people that are your friends now! you're so awesome!  
> me: jesus christ that backstory is actually horrifying. I must write this now.
> 
> I know they don't actually state exactly how much the protag remembers (just that they don't remember the whole Queenslayer incident) but I took it as "has literally no memories, at all, period" and, uh, yeah.


End file.
